FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize