maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
