I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
