I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
