allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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