But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
