this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
