wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
