i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
