So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
