he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
