I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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