let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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