It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
