Will you blow on my dice?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
