And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
