I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
worst night to have a conscience
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
