TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
