Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
