My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
