sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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