I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
