I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
