If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
