We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
