ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
