What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
