So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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