If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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