I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
