Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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