I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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