Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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