So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
