We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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