So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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