i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
