Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
