If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
