this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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