i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
