If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
