Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
where are you?
Hypothermia
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
