She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
