I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
