I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
