the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
