so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
