break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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