I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
