sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
