I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
