shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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