I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
