my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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