9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
