Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
