I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
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Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
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You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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