we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
