yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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