Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
