the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
