Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
