And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
