i just google imaged poop.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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