Don't you send me to vm
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
