Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
