I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just gargled with NyQuil
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
