i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
