Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Farmville is her only friend.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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