just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
