dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
