I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
we're so committed to being not committed
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
