I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
