I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
