Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
