I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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