I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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