I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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